II. Background
"Nobody is born with a genetic diathesis to psychic trauma. If you
scare a child badly enough, he will be traumatized -- plain and
simple. But if you combine the trauma with a death or a new
disability, then you will see depression, paranormal thinking, and/or
character change -- count on it." -- Lenore Terr
Death is a difficult concept to understand and accept for adults and children
alike. The end of life can be conceptualized in many ways, but the permanency
of loss and the dying process cannot be explained until it is experienced.
When a natural death occurs at the end of a long life, it may be expected and
preparations made to adjust to the ultimate loss. Grief over the deceased may
be painful and prolonged, but there has been time before death to consider its
consequences for those who continue to live. When death is sudden and
complicated by trauma, there is no time to adapt to the shock and pain of
separation and finality. Sorrow may be a fundamental experience but the
experience of extraordinary crisis may be equally overwhelming. The inability
to make sense out of the death, to understand why it happened, and to
comprehend how it has interrupted life can frustrate, anger and drive survivors
to despair.
Children are particularly susceptible to the impact of traumatic death for
several reasons. Children do not deny trauma; rather, they tend to record its
full horror and impact. Trauma is terrorizing to them, rendering them helpless
and unprotected. Death is unfamiliar. Their coping skills are often underdeveloped.
They are still in the process of developing their own personalities and identities.
They often do not have spiritual resources on which to rely.
Adult caregivers are critical in helping children through the trauma of
violent death as well as the grieving process. Yet, many adults are unprepared
for violent death themselves. Adult caregivers must consider their own
reactions to death and trauma carefully before working with grieving children.
After caregivers consider their own reactions, they should learn as much as they can about the reactions of children, and explore resources and techniques to provide assistance to the grieving child.